44/April 2 Done

I am done with the emotinal balancing act of this deployment. Part of me just doesn't want to answer the phone from the emotional sting I feel when the call is only 5 minutes. I know I should be relishing in the mere fact that he gets to call. When the conversation is stinted by needing something though, I still am not sure what protection to give myself after I send love to him, via mail, and get nothing but a tangible need from him back. I have needs too and my needs are intangible, just to know he cares about me as a person-- not the wife Beth, but the person and friend Beth. I need to know he cares and wants to just hear about my day and not the decisions I have to make. I need to know he cares and sends an f-ing piece of mail... like I think about him everyday and even though I was so busy last night, I still boxed up his crap so I can send it to him. It would just be nice if I knew, in the moments of his day, he thought about me and it was a feeling strong enough to jot it down and send it off.